Ever since Carson came I have had a lot more feelings, yes, hormones have added to that. When I met and married Reed I had never felt that kind of love before. It constantly grows, and it's all new in the last couple of years to me. It's the kind of love you can't describe. I don't even have the words for it. Then when I gave birth to Carson another type of love came to surface. The kind I never imagined possible. The kind only a parent could have for their child. The kind that I could continue to describe for a lifetime.
Carson got sick the last couple of days. At first we thought it was just teething, but the poor baby moaned and whimpered for hours. Reed rocked him almost all night long the other night. He ran a fever that spiked to 104.6. At a time as I held Carson in my arms, rocking him in his bedroom, I couldn't hold back my tears. I kept telling him how I wished I could take the pain from him. I hated watching him go through this. I hated seeing his misery, seeing how weak he was. Then suddenly I thought about our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I don't think I ever truly understood the love of our Father in Heaven until that moment.
Watching my son go through, what was for him, so much physical pain, tormented me. I sat holding him, talking to him, wishing he could understand me. He didn't know why he hurt, or why he couldn't sleep. He didn't understand what was happening with his body, and why it was happening. He couldn't understand that there were steps to take that would help him feel better. He doesn't know how this will help him be stronger in the future. I prayed and prayed that his hurt would leave, and that he could just feel better. As a mom it was completely heartbreaking.
That must be what Heavenly Father feels. Of course his love is still more than we can imagine, but for that moment, I felt like I actually understood it. Why would we ever try to get through something on our own, knowing that Heavenly Father is up there watching, aching, wishing we'd ask for help, wanting to hold us, and comfort us, and help us feel better? Of course we have to suffer to get stronger; but how many times in life do we forget that we have that resource constantly by our side? Carson knows that when he is sick or not, mommy and daddy care for him, will hold him, and love him, and never leave him. As adults what is our first resource? Sure, most of us still have our parents, but what about God? How often do we even let him help us?
"Become as little children"
He's there. He loves us. He wants us to reach out to him. He wants to help us. So whatever you are going through, don't feel like you need to go through it alone. Please don't forget the one person you have no matter what. No matter what you've done, what you're feeling, what you need, Heavenly Father is there. Don't be afraid to turn to him. Just like a parent would want their child to come to them if they needed something, so does your Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ.
I love you all. Happy Easter, everyone.
I promise my next post will be more lighthearted and humorous. For some reason I felt like I needed to get this out there.
