A Look Inside the Life of a 15 Month Old...

I decided to scatter his 1 year pictures from his photoshoot throughout this... because I can.

It's been so incredibly long since I've posted anything. Carson is 15 months old now, and has picked up on fake crying, and has suddenly become super attached to his caregivers. He was always the baby we could drop off, and he never had a problem. Heck, at one point he cried when my sister-in-law handed him back to me as a newborn. He does well with others. Lately he has started becoming incredibly needy, and always wanting to be picked up. My dad is Carson's caregiver while Reed and I are working, which means he spends more awake time with my dad than us. On Halloween we were at my parents house, and my dad left and told Carson he had to stay with us, and he screamed. Full on tears! ...someone is a favorite... I think it's adorable.

I feel like so much has happened, that I don't even know what to write!

Reed and I both have new jobs. Reed works at a place called NiteScapes. So far he loves it. He gets to be outdoors, he's learning new things, and he loves his boss. I haven't met his bosses yet, but they sound amazing. I'm so glad he's finally happy in a job! He spent a long time being miserable in a job so that he could help provide for us. That is respect.

I quit Mercedes-Benz and came back to work for VitalSmarts! This place is home, it's family. I was the receptionist here for 4.5 years before leaving to find a full time job. On the last day of work I bawled. Full on ugly cried! Typically I'm an anxious person, but on my first day coming back it felt like I was coming home. I was calm, and everything felt good again. Is it a challenging job? For sure! However, I'm so happy here! It's the kind of culture where your coworkers take care of you. I love it!

Carson is continuing his life of no work or school... he's running around now, and he likes moving shoes around. He puts his arms in shoes and walks around, and then because grandpa is teaching him how to clean up, they end up in random baskets or boxes around the house. I found one of his new church shoes in a laundry basket in his bedroom, I cannot find my other vans shoe, I find flip flops                                     
in weird places... and let's mention the tub... wow. That has become a new place to keep things. His favorite stuffed animal, Scout, ends up in the tub along with toys, my brush, shoes, etc. When you can't find something, check the tub! Unfortunately my other Vans shoe isn't in the tub...

Carson loves "huh?" So you can talk and talk and talk, and all he will respond is "HUH?!" to every single question. So finally our conversations just turn to:
me: "huh?"
Carson: "huh?"
me: "huh?"
Carson: "huh?"

Carson has discovered that if he doesn't like something, he can just stick out his tongue and wipe it off. No matter where he is. Opens mouth, proceeds to brush tongue with hand until food is gone, shakes head a little to get the taste out, and moves on.

We discovered that Carson loves dogs! He'll stop whatever he's doing when he sees dogs, and make a squeaky noise, and try to pet them.

He doesn't like TV. That's right, you cannot get Carson to sit in front of a movie, or tv show. He won't even watch my phone. He steals my phone to remove all my credit and insurance cards to throw around. He just wants to move and play. I feel like that's good and bad. That means he's not addicted to screens yet, which is great! It also means that I can't take a shower without something weird happening in the house... like shoes disappearing.

He's very loved by his cousins! For some reason they all think they should carry him places, and he's grown very tolerant of being dragged around. I see my siblings stop it all the time, and discipline their kids, but it's truthfully a little funny that he lets 3 and 4 year-old's try and pick him up and drag him around.

Carson loves to distract me while I'm working out. He will crawl underneath me if I'm in downward dog and poke my eyes, or pull my hair, or sit on my stomach while I'm working my abs. When he decides to take a break from that, he then scatters his toys all around me, so that I have to dodge them the rest of the time. Speaking of poking eyes... at my work's Halloween Trick or Treat, a little boy crouched down and gasped "awe! a monkey!" to which Carson responded by reaching out and poking his eye... not sure where he picked that up.

Carson loves vegetables, like raw onions, raw peppers, tomatoes, etc. He typically eats turkey burgers and turkey bacon with mom, so when he had the option of real beef and real bacon at a BBQ, he spit it out... and wiped his tongue with his hand. My healthy boy!

Carson is very good at sharing! He brings me stuffed animals constantly, and if he finds something that is mine, he'll bring it to me. Like my phone... or a piece of trash... He also loves to play fetch. So I throw his favorite squishy ball, and he will run to get it. This keeps him occupied for quite some time.

I think Carson is going to be a left-hander. It might be too early to tell, but he often moves things to his left hand to use, like toys or spoons. Maybe he'll be my left-handed buddy!

Well I think that's enough for today... I don't write in a journal, so if Carson ever asks how he was as a kid, here ya go! My next post will have to be about a special trip to Logan with my friends. :)

It's about LOVE...

I don't usually open up like I'm about to. It takes a lot to get the feels out of me. For some reason I feel like I need to, though.

Ever since Carson came I have had a lot more feelings, yes, hormones have added to that. When I met and married Reed I had never felt that kind of love before. It constantly grows, and it's all new in the last couple of years to me. It's the kind of love you can't describe. I don't even have the words for it. Then when I gave birth to Carson another type of love came to surface. The kind I never imagined possible. The kind only a parent could have for their child. The kind that I could continue to describe for a lifetime. 

Carson got sick the last couple of days. At first we thought it was just teething, but the poor baby moaned and whimpered for hours. Reed rocked him almost all night long the other night. He ran a fever that spiked to 104.6. At a time as I held Carson in my arms, rocking him in his bedroom, I couldn't hold back my tears. I kept telling him how I wished I could take the pain from him. I hated watching him go through this. I hated seeing his misery, seeing how weak he was. Then suddenly I thought about our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

I don't think I ever truly understood the love of our Father in Heaven until that moment.

Watching my son go through, what was for him, so much physical pain, tormented me. I sat holding him, talking to him, wishing he could understand me. He didn't know why he hurt, or why he couldn't sleep. He didn't understand what was happening with his body, and why it was happening. He couldn't understand that there were steps to take that would help him feel better. He doesn't know how this will help him be stronger in the future. I prayed and prayed that his hurt would leave, and that he could just feel better. As a mom it was completely heartbreaking. 

That must be what Heavenly Father feels. Of course his love is still more than we can imagine, but for that moment, I felt like I actually understood it. Why would we ever try to get through something on our own, knowing that Heavenly Father is up there watching, aching, wishing we'd ask for help, wanting to hold us, and comfort us, and help us feel better? Of course we have to suffer to get stronger; but how many times in life do we forget that we have that resource constantly by our side? Carson knows that when he is sick or not, mommy and daddy care for him, will hold him, and love him, and never leave him. As adults what is our first resource? Sure, most of us still have our parents, but what about God? How often do we even let him help us?

"Become as little children"

He's there. He loves us. He wants us to reach out to him. He wants to help us. So whatever you are going through, don't feel like you need to go through it alone. Please don't forget the one person you have no matter what. No matter what you've done, what you're feeling, what you need, Heavenly Father is there. Don't be afraid to turn to him. Just like a parent would want their child to come to them if they needed something, so does your Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I love you all. Happy Easter, everyone. 

I promise my next post will be more lighthearted and humorous. For some reason I felt like I needed to get this out there.