I've been so blessed. I am approaching my first holidays being a new mom, and my second as a wife. So much has happened in so little time.
As I was putting up my tree and the lights, it reminded me of working at VitalSmarts. They had something like a 6 foot tree, and it had lots of lights and decorations. I loved putting up the decorations while I worked as a receptionist there. The tree was one thing I couldn't master, though. Every year our other receptionist, Tammy, would decorate it. I just didn't have the patience. She made it look so beautiful.
Tammy passed away this last year from a fast progressing degenerative disease. It came on and within a year she was gone. Tammy was my second mom. I told her about every date I went on, all my friends, my schooling, my whole life. She gave me advice, she listened, and she genuinely cared about me. I remember exactly what she gave me for my wedding. I'm tearing up just thinking about her. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to tell her before anyone else did. I drove to VitalSmarts, and told her when I was 11 weeks along. She was SO excited! The last time I saw her was when I was pregnant. We talked a long time about our lives. They didn't know what disease she had, she just had trouble speaking. The last time I talked to her without seeing her was when I told her I was having a baby boy. I told her about my baby shower, and she told me if she was feeling up to it, she would love to come. She passed away a couple weeks prior to it. Faye is the receptionist who replaced me at VitalSmarts and we had talked a few times. Just days before Tammy passed, she told me how sick Tammy was. I thought all week about texting her, or taking her something. I never got the chance. I got a phone call at work from Faye first thing in the morning that same week telling me the sad news.
As I strung my lights, I could only think of Tammy. How much I miss her, how much I love her, and how I wish she could meet my little boy. Who knows, maybe she's been the angel he's been talking to since birth. I feel so lucky that I got to have her in my life for 5 years. She influenced my life a lot.
I have also thought a lot about my little sister who died right after birth. I am convinced Carson tells her all my dirty secrets while he's staring at the corner of the room chatting. My mom had an angel on her tree that she called her Katie angel. I've always wanted one on my tree as well. I believe she's taking care of me when I'm having hard times, and my other sisters aren't around. That's what sisters do, right?
Carson has a droopy eyelid on his left eye, and he's likely to get surgery as a 6 month old to correct the muscle. I had a little pity party with myself on the way home from the doctor. Putting my baby in surgery is the last thing I want to do. If I don't, his droopy eyelid can deform his eye and ruin his eyesight, OR his brain will stop trying to use that eye because it can't see enough out of it. His brain will shut it down in a way, and that's not good. As I drove home I was filled with sadness. Then I saw on social media that a friend and neighbor of mine had her baby 6 weeks early, and he was in surgery where he had a 50% chance of living. It broke my heart. How could I be so selfish about one little thing, when this couple is going through this immense challenge?! That baby is still in recovery, and I'm praying for the best. I'm not sure if my friend will read this, but I look up to her. She's so very strong. I admire her faith and strength as she goes through this heartache, praying for her baby to come home for Christmas. 
I also want to write about another friend. This woman saves my life constantly. I have had a hard time adjusting to becoming a new mom, and this friend is constantly helping me. When Carson was brand new she would come hold him at my house so I could eat lunch, or rest. When we were in the same ward, she would hold him for me at church, entertain him, and take him to young women's with her to give me a break. She's babysat, she's pulled me out of the house when I needed it, and she's lifted my spirits over and over again. Last night I was having a particularly hard night. Carson was crying and crying. I couldn't sooth him, and I was becoming impatient. It's hard when as a mom, you can't soothe your own baby. I set him in his crib and sat on the couch to breath for a few minutes. I texted this friend telling her my situation and how I felt like an awful mom, hearing him cry in his room. Within 5 minutes (no joke) she is at my door. She took my baby in her arms, and puts him right to sleep. As she sat here, she told me to drop Carson off for tonight so that Reed and I could do whatever we wanted free of Carson. This woman is on my list of people I'm grateful for. She's so selfless, and she'll try and convince you otherwise, but she really is. 
I also feel extremely grateful for my sister-in-law and my parents. My brother's wife watches Carson for practically nothing. She's saved me the last few months. My dad has been the same way. He has sacrificed so much to watch Carson, and is going to be doing it full time in the new year; for next to nothing as well. That way Reed and I can both continue to work full time (not that I want to work full time, but need to). Talk about a selfless person. I look up to him so much. All he and my mom do is live to serve. They're incredible examples, and if you don't know them, you're missing out. If you've ever visited, my mom has probably offered you home baked cookies, a baked potato, or some other form of food (my friends can testify to that).
I'm so glad I have so many great examples in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for this year. There are lots of other people in my life that have been a phone call away for years, and you know who you are. This post is already long enough.. but I'm grateful for those friends I spend half my day venting to, and the ones I exchange frozen gogurts for fresh bread and string cheese in a drive-by... I'm grateful for understanding sisters (that includes my brother's wives too) that listen when I need someone to talk to about real life. I should have done the grateful challenge so I could have all month to tell these people how much I love them. Life is good when it's filled with loved ones.
Last but not least- my husband. He's patient, he's strong, he's loving... the list goes on. I am the crankiest person when I am tired. So to make sure I'm at my best at work, Reed wakes up every week day to take care of Carson in the middle of the night. He's slept in the rocking chair too many times to count. He's held me while I cried, he's taken care of me. I could write another post the size of this one about how great my husband is. I love him and Carson with all my heart.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
