A Look Inside the Life of a 15 Month Old...

I decided to scatter his 1 year pictures from his photoshoot throughout this... because I can.

It's been so incredibly long since I've posted anything. Carson is 15 months old now, and has picked up on fake crying, and has suddenly become super attached to his caregivers. He was always the baby we could drop off, and he never had a problem. Heck, at one point he cried when my sister-in-law handed him back to me as a newborn. He does well with others. Lately he has started becoming incredibly needy, and always wanting to be picked up. My dad is Carson's caregiver while Reed and I are working, which means he spends more awake time with my dad than us. On Halloween we were at my parents house, and my dad left and told Carson he had to stay with us, and he screamed. Full on tears! ...someone is a favorite... I think it's adorable.

I feel like so much has happened, that I don't even know what to write!

Reed and I both have new jobs. Reed works at a place called NiteScapes. So far he loves it. He gets to be outdoors, he's learning new things, and he loves his boss. I haven't met his bosses yet, but they sound amazing. I'm so glad he's finally happy in a job! He spent a long time being miserable in a job so that he could help provide for us. That is respect.

I quit Mercedes-Benz and came back to work for VitalSmarts! This place is home, it's family. I was the receptionist here for 4.5 years before leaving to find a full time job. On the last day of work I bawled. Full on ugly cried! Typically I'm an anxious person, but on my first day coming back it felt like I was coming home. I was calm, and everything felt good again. Is it a challenging job? For sure! However, I'm so happy here! It's the kind of culture where your coworkers take care of you. I love it!

Carson is continuing his life of no work or school... he's running around now, and he likes moving shoes around. He puts his arms in shoes and walks around, and then because grandpa is teaching him how to clean up, they end up in random baskets or boxes around the house. I found one of his new church shoes in a laundry basket in his bedroom, I cannot find my other vans shoe, I find flip flops                                     
in weird places... and let's mention the tub... wow. That has become a new place to keep things. His favorite stuffed animal, Scout, ends up in the tub along with toys, my brush, shoes, etc. When you can't find something, check the tub! Unfortunately my other Vans shoe isn't in the tub...

Carson loves "huh?" So you can talk and talk and talk, and all he will respond is "HUH?!" to every single question. So finally our conversations just turn to:
me: "huh?"
Carson: "huh?"
me: "huh?"
Carson: "huh?"

Carson has discovered that if he doesn't like something, he can just stick out his tongue and wipe it off. No matter where he is. Opens mouth, proceeds to brush tongue with hand until food is gone, shakes head a little to get the taste out, and moves on.

We discovered that Carson loves dogs! He'll stop whatever he's doing when he sees dogs, and make a squeaky noise, and try to pet them.

He doesn't like TV. That's right, you cannot get Carson to sit in front of a movie, or tv show. He won't even watch my phone. He steals my phone to remove all my credit and insurance cards to throw around. He just wants to move and play. I feel like that's good and bad. That means he's not addicted to screens yet, which is great! It also means that I can't take a shower without something weird happening in the house... like shoes disappearing.

He's very loved by his cousins! For some reason they all think they should carry him places, and he's grown very tolerant of being dragged around. I see my siblings stop it all the time, and discipline their kids, but it's truthfully a little funny that he lets 3 and 4 year-old's try and pick him up and drag him around.

Carson loves to distract me while I'm working out. He will crawl underneath me if I'm in downward dog and poke my eyes, or pull my hair, or sit on my stomach while I'm working my abs. When he decides to take a break from that, he then scatters his toys all around me, so that I have to dodge them the rest of the time. Speaking of poking eyes... at my work's Halloween Trick or Treat, a little boy crouched down and gasped "awe! a monkey!" to which Carson responded by reaching out and poking his eye... not sure where he picked that up.

Carson loves vegetables, like raw onions, raw peppers, tomatoes, etc. He typically eats turkey burgers and turkey bacon with mom, so when he had the option of real beef and real bacon at a BBQ, he spit it out... and wiped his tongue with his hand. My healthy boy!

Carson is very good at sharing! He brings me stuffed animals constantly, and if he finds something that is mine, he'll bring it to me. Like my phone... or a piece of trash... He also loves to play fetch. So I throw his favorite squishy ball, and he will run to get it. This keeps him occupied for quite some time.

I think Carson is going to be a left-hander. It might be too early to tell, but he often moves things to his left hand to use, like toys or spoons. Maybe he'll be my left-handed buddy!

Well I think that's enough for today... I don't write in a journal, so if Carson ever asks how he was as a kid, here ya go! My next post will have to be about a special trip to Logan with my friends. :)

It's about LOVE...

I don't usually open up like I'm about to. It takes a lot to get the feels out of me. For some reason I feel like I need to, though.

Ever since Carson came I have had a lot more feelings, yes, hormones have added to that. When I met and married Reed I had never felt that kind of love before. It constantly grows, and it's all new in the last couple of years to me. It's the kind of love you can't describe. I don't even have the words for it. Then when I gave birth to Carson another type of love came to surface. The kind I never imagined possible. The kind only a parent could have for their child. The kind that I could continue to describe for a lifetime. 

Carson got sick the last couple of days. At first we thought it was just teething, but the poor baby moaned and whimpered for hours. Reed rocked him almost all night long the other night. He ran a fever that spiked to 104.6. At a time as I held Carson in my arms, rocking him in his bedroom, I couldn't hold back my tears. I kept telling him how I wished I could take the pain from him. I hated watching him go through this. I hated seeing his misery, seeing how weak he was. Then suddenly I thought about our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

I don't think I ever truly understood the love of our Father in Heaven until that moment.

Watching my son go through, what was for him, so much physical pain, tormented me. I sat holding him, talking to him, wishing he could understand me. He didn't know why he hurt, or why he couldn't sleep. He didn't understand what was happening with his body, and why it was happening. He couldn't understand that there were steps to take that would help him feel better. He doesn't know how this will help him be stronger in the future. I prayed and prayed that his hurt would leave, and that he could just feel better. As a mom it was completely heartbreaking. 

That must be what Heavenly Father feels. Of course his love is still more than we can imagine, but for that moment, I felt like I actually understood it. Why would we ever try to get through something on our own, knowing that Heavenly Father is up there watching, aching, wishing we'd ask for help, wanting to hold us, and comfort us, and help us feel better? Of course we have to suffer to get stronger; but how many times in life do we forget that we have that resource constantly by our side? Carson knows that when he is sick or not, mommy and daddy care for him, will hold him, and love him, and never leave him. As adults what is our first resource? Sure, most of us still have our parents, but what about God? How often do we even let him help us?

"Become as little children"

He's there. He loves us. He wants us to reach out to him. He wants to help us. So whatever you are going through, don't feel like you need to go through it alone. Please don't forget the one person you have no matter what. No matter what you've done, what you're feeling, what you need, Heavenly Father is there. Don't be afraid to turn to him. Just like a parent would want their child to come to them if they needed something, so does your Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I love you all. Happy Easter, everyone. 

I promise my next post will be more lighthearted and humorous. For some reason I felt like I needed to get this out there. 

Why not choose to be grateful?

I have so many things happening in my life. So many thoughts I can't say, and so many I want to. I'm just going to write what I can say, and see where it takes me.

I've been so blessed. I am approaching my first holidays being a new mom, and my second as a wife. So much has happened in so little time. 

As I was putting up my tree and the lights, it reminded me of working at VitalSmarts. They had something like a 6 foot tree, and it had lots of lights and decorations. I loved putting up the decorations while I worked as a receptionist there. The tree was one thing I couldn't master, though. Every year our other receptionist, Tammy, would decorate it. I just didn't have the patience. She made it look so beautiful. 

Tammy passed away this last year from a fast progressing degenerative disease. It came on and within a year she was gone. Tammy was my second mom. I told her about every date I went on, all my friends, my schooling, my whole life. She gave me advice, she listened, and she genuinely cared about me. I remember exactly what she gave me for my wedding. I'm tearing up just thinking about her. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to tell her before anyone else did. I drove to VitalSmarts, and told her when I was 11 weeks along. She was SO excited! The last time I saw her was when I was pregnant. We talked a long time about our lives. They didn't know what disease she had, she just had trouble speaking. The last time I talked to her without seeing her was when I told her I was having a baby boy. I told her about my baby shower, and she told me if she was feeling up to it, she would love to come. She passed away a couple weeks prior to it. Faye is the receptionist who replaced me at VitalSmarts and we had talked a few times. Just days before Tammy passed, she told me how sick Tammy was. I thought all week about texting her, or taking her something. I never got the chance. I got a phone call at work from Faye first thing in the morning that same week telling me the sad news. 

As I strung my lights, I could only think of Tammy. How much I miss her, how much I love her, and how I wish she could meet my little boy. Who knows, maybe she's been the angel he's been talking to since birth. I feel so lucky that I got to have her in my life for 5 years. She influenced my life a lot. 

I have also thought a lot about my little sister who died right after birth. I am convinced Carson tells her all my dirty secrets while he's staring at the corner of the room chatting. My mom had an angel on her tree that she called her Katie angel. I've always wanted one on my tree as well. I believe she's taking care of me when I'm having hard times, and my other sisters aren't around. That's what sisters do, right? 

Carson has a droopy eyelid on his left eye, and he's likely to get surgery as a 6 month old to correct the muscle. I had a little pity party with myself on the way home from the doctor. Putting my baby in surgery is the last thing I want to do. If I don't, his droopy eyelid can deform his eye and ruin his eyesight, OR his brain will stop trying to use that eye because it can't see enough out of it. His brain will shut it down in a way, and that's not good. As I drove home I was filled with sadness. Then I saw on social media that a friend and neighbor of mine had her baby 6 weeks early, and he was in surgery where he had a 50% chance of living. It broke my heart. How could I be so selfish about one little thing, when this couple is going through this immense challenge?! That baby is still in recovery, and I'm praying for the best. I'm not sure if my friend will read this, but I look up to her. She's so very strong. I admire her faith and strength as she goes through this heartache, praying for her baby to come home for Christmas. 

I also want to write about another friend. This woman saves my life constantly. I have had a hard time adjusting to becoming a new mom, and this friend is constantly helping me. When Carson was brand new she would come hold him at my house so I could eat lunch, or rest. When we were in the same ward, she would hold him for me at church, entertain him, and take him to young women's with her to give me a break. She's babysat, she's pulled me out of the house when I needed it, and she's lifted my spirits over and over again. Last night I was having a particularly hard night. Carson was crying and crying. I couldn't sooth him, and I was becoming impatient. It's hard when as a mom, you can't soothe your own baby. I set him in his crib and sat on the couch to breath for a few minutes. I texted this friend telling her my situation and how I felt like an awful mom, hearing him cry in his room. Within 5 minutes (no joke) she is at my door. She took my baby in her arms, and puts him right to sleep. As she sat here, she told me to drop Carson off for tonight so that Reed and I could do whatever we wanted free of Carson. This woman is on my list of people I'm grateful for. She's so selfless, and she'll try and convince you otherwise, but she really is. 

I also feel extremely grateful for my sister-in-law and my parents. My brother's wife watches Carson for practically nothing. She's saved me the last few months. My dad has been the same way. He has sacrificed so much to watch Carson, and is going to be doing it full time in the new year; for next to nothing as well. That way Reed and I can both continue to work full time (not that I want to work full time, but need to). Talk about a selfless person. I look up to him so much. All he and my mom do is live to serve. They're incredible examples, and if you don't know them, you're missing out. If you've ever visited, my mom has probably offered you home baked cookies, a baked potato, or some other form of food (my friends can testify to that). 

I'm so glad I have so many great examples in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for this year. There are lots of other people in my life that have been a phone call away for years, and you know who you are. This post is already long enough.. but I'm grateful for those friends I spend half my day venting to, and the ones I exchange frozen gogurts for fresh bread and string cheese in a drive-by... I'm grateful for understanding sisters (that includes my brother's wives too) that listen when I need someone to talk to about real life. I should have done the grateful challenge so I could have all month to tell these people how much I love them. Life is good when it's filled with loved ones. 

Last but not least- my husband. He's patient, he's strong, he's loving... the list goes on. I am the crankiest person when I am tired. So to make sure I'm at my best at work, Reed wakes up every week day to take care of Carson in the middle of the night. He's slept in the rocking chair too many times to count. He's held me while I cried, he's taken care of me. I could write another post the size of this one about how great my husband is. I love him and Carson with all my heart. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! 

I've Never Been So Scared In My Life.

I've never been so scared in my life.

Reed was working until 8 tonight, covering for another person so Michelle and I decided to take a stroll on the Provo trail at the mouth of Provo canyon. We'd started back up at the gym together recently, but hadn't done hiking or running together since last summer. I haven't done it at all since before I got pregnant. We thought we'd take up the stroller and go for a nice walk since we couldn't hit the gym with Carson.

We started on our walk and about a half mile in, Carson was hungry. We sat down on a bench and fed him for a while and then put him back in the car seat and stroller to keep going. Soon a man with a hood on started gaining on us. I kept turning around to look at him so that he knew I knew he was there. I figured I was probably being paranoid, judging someone I saw just because they had their hood on. It was cold, after all. He passed us and kept walking up the trail and we soon forgot about him. We weren't in a big hurry, just chatting as we walked, and Carson had fallen back asleep by then. After we had walked a bit some guys started yelling toward us, saying "Lady! Hey! Lady!"

I turned around and figured I must have dropped something, but that wasn't the case. They pointed out the man who had passed us earlier and told us he looked sketchy, and we should watch out for him. I told them he had already passed us, and they said "well maybe you're okay, but he looks sketchy."

When I looked up to see him I noticed he had stopped and was watching us. I turned to Michelle and asked her if we should just turn around. We did, and soon he did too. At this point I started getting really worried. We were definitely over a mile from the car, and my legs were already tired from wearing stilettos all day. Go figure.

We decided to run as much as our bodies would let us so that we could keep him a further distance back. Keep in mind, I am NOT in running shape anymore! So here my mind is trying to do the flight in fight or flight, but my body is like "meh- can't do it." We would get him at a good distance, I thought... and then within a minute he was back to where he was before. He must have been running when we would turn a corner and couldn't see him. Nothing else would make sense.

At this point I was praying all the way down the trail. I had never been so scared for something that I wasn't sure was even a thing. I soon devised a plan in my head, and so did Michelle. Our plans were similar, yet opposite. She later told me that her plan was to "sacrifice herself so that Carson and I could get away." My thought was- I'm a lot stronger than Michelle. She should take the baby, get to safety, and I will fight this man off. I was going through all the things I had learned in Young Women's self defense activity nights, things I had learned in school... everything.

I don't know that I have ever felt like I wanted to sacrifice myself for someone else. I guess adulting, and having a baby changes you.

Meanwhile, as we were getting closer to the bottom, I felt so strongly that I needed to get Reed on the phone. I called him, put him on speaker, and the first thing I muttered as I was completely out of breath was "DON'T HANG UP!" he thought I was calling to tell him I was throwing up. hahaha! We took our turnoff to the parking lot. It requires you to go over a bridge, and through a pavilion to get to where the car was parked. I was praying we were just paranoid and he wasn't behind us. But he was. And he was closer than he had been the whole time. Michelle put Carson in the car, keeping Reed on the phone, and I frantically tried to fold up the stroller to get it in the car.

The stroller only fits in the trunk when put in a particular way. I was slamming it against the car, trying to force it in the trunk, as the man stepped off the sidewalk and toward me at the trunk. Michelle kept talking loudly, Carson was in the closed car, and all I could think was "This is it. I really hope Michelle can get my baby to safety." The man came within a foot of me as I breathed heavily, still slamming the stroller against the trunk, and stared at him. I almost ripped it out and chucked it to just get in the car and go.

Miraculously the man walked past me. He walked past, and back onto the sidewalk, and then walked into a bathroom about 100 feet away. I couldn't believe it. We were fine. I jumped in the car, locked it, and flew out of there.

I don't know if that man was trying to freak us out, or if he really wanted to hurt us. I have a feeling it was the second one, because of my strong feelings to get Reed on the line. I am so incredibly grateful that we are all safe! The whole thing was awful. I came home and sat on the couch holding tightly to Carson, just crying from fear, and also because I felt so incredibly blessed tonight. I honestly didn't think I'd have the opportunity to hold my husband or my baby again. I'm also grateful that Michelle is home safe with her husband now too.

 Carson, of course, slept the whole entire time.

Then Came Baby...

It's been a few months since I've blogged, and where has the time gone?! Quick recap to where we are now...

When I was at 33 weeks I rode on the back of a motorcycle a few times with Reed. I'm not sure if that caused the baby dropping or if it's a coincidence, but the next day I was in a lot of pain. At my 34 week appointment the doctor confirmed my suspicion that the baby had indeed dropped. So although I had an easy first 7 months of pregnancy, the last 2 were lousy as lousy could be. Walking hurt, moving hurt, sleeping hurt, and well... everything hurt.

The day of my 40 week appointment Reed and I had decided we were going to go in there and try to convince the doctor to induce me based on the amount of pain I had been in. (we took this picture right as we were leaving for my appointment.) Anyway, the pain was so bad that at one point I could not get off the couch. Pain hit halfway up and I went to the ground... laying there for 15 minutes until Reed got home and could help me get up. I woke up the day of that appointment with the stomach flu. My whole family was hit before and after that. I went to the doctor feeling pretty sick still, not having eaten anything because I had woken up throwing up that morning.

The nurse takes my vitals and seems slightly concerned, but not overly, then walks out. Soon the doctor comes in and without letting us get a word in edgewise says "Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, go straight to the hospital." I thought he was joking, so I questioned what he was saying and he repeated "I will check you real quick, but I need you to get to the hospital. Your blood pressure is way too high. I don't think you'll be pregnant after today." He wouldn't let us go home to get our bags, apparently it was that serious. So I called my mom on the way there (who, by the way, had spent all day making homemade chicken noodle soup for me that we were going to pick up on the way home from the doctor), and let her know we were going to the hospital and we'd keep her updated, but might need help getting our stuff.

We got there and met a super nice girl who was getting induced that night by the same clinic we went to, and then got all settled in. ....ish. After a series of blood tests and watching my blood pressure decline, I started getting pretty bummed. I thought they'd just send us home, and I didn't want that. after a few hours of monitoring the doctor came in to speak with us. He mentioned that if he sent us home, the only thing that could happen is I get worse, and he wasn't about to risk it. I'm sure he also figured since he was inducing 2 other women, he might as well add me to the list. He told the nurse to run some sugar water in me to get me hydrated, stood up, high-fived the nurse and said "let's deliver a baby!" I took this right before they induced me. So ready for this! And also a little freaked out, if you couldn't tell... and a bit sick.

We called my parents and they went to our house and collected all of our belongings, and also dropped the soup and homemade rolls off to Reed for dinner. So I got to sit and watch him eat it. The soup that had been made for me. The soup that I crave when I'm sick, because there's seriously nothing better. He got to eat it.

Around 9 they admitted me, and started inducing me soon after. Got my epidural after a couple hours, because why suffer if you don't have to... little did I know it was a different kind of suffering that I gave myself. Not being able to move your lower half of your body is sucky. I felt anxious and claustrophobic and I wasn't comfortable for a while. Around 1:30-2 AM I was feeling lots of pain. I kept pushing the button for more medication and didn't feel like it was helping at all. The nurse had said I'd still feel pressure, so I assumed that was the amount of pain, but it just escalated. At 2:30 the nurse came back in and I mentioned that I could feel every contraction, (and they were about 2 minutes apart at that point) and I was in a lot of pain. She mentioned my medicine was out and asked if I wanted more, or if I wanted another full dose of the epidural since it would have mostly been worn off by then. She got the anesthesiologist and he checks out the tube, and it was disconnected. So I don't know how long I sat there with no pain medication going in, but that kinda sucked. He gave me more and the nurse checked me and I had gone from a 5-10 within the hour, and was ready to have that baby. She was shocked.

Meanwhile, the doctor is delivering the baby of the girl I had met in the waiting room. So we sat around for 40 minutes and let the epidural kick back in, and pushed for a mere 40 minutes, and had little Carson at 4:13 AM.
7 lbs 15 oz
20.5" long

Carson gave us a little worry at the hospital. His blood sugar would be at a good level after eating, but drop dramatically before his next feeding. He was close to having to go to the NICU, but after doing 12 hours of formula, we were able to keep his levels up and he's been doing great since!

It was a long next couple of days. I hadn't had sleep for a long time, and by the time we had Carson home for his first night I had only slept 5 hours since I woke up throwing up the morning before I had him. Our first night with him was hard. (as every first parent's night is with a newborn). He screamed between every feeding. So I'd feed him, and Reed would hold him while he screamed so I could sleep an hour. Then repeat. My mom saved us the next day though, she came and watched him for a few hours, and cleaned the house so we could both sleep. Gosh, I LOVE my mom! She's been a lifesaver the last couple weeks!!

The next night Reed was throwing up. I took the next 2 or 3 nights solo with the baby, while Reed slept and tried to get over his sickness. It wasn't working, though. He was throwing up every day, and by the time he was on his 5th day and had gone to the doctor once, I wondered if he was just dehydrated. I took him to the ER figuring they could get fluids in him more effectively than we were, and we got a bunch of tests done. They didn't come back with anything crazy, and ended up sending us home saying he must still have the flu. Meanwhile, shout out to my parents again! My mom had been awakened by me that morning telling her we were going to the ER and she was at the hospital within the hour picking up my 1 week old and watching him most the day so I could focus on Reed.

The next day Reed was still throwing up, so we went to the doctor again, got him a nice hefty nausea shot, and knocked him out most the day. He slept the next couple days and nights to get better, and thankfully was fine by Saturday. So our first week was fun... super... duper... fun...

I had his 2 week appointment today. That meant circumcision day. After seeing him being pricked over and over in the hospital for his blood sugar, I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this part of his appointment. My dad was awesome and came with me since Reed had to work. He stayed in with Carson during the procedure, and I left the room. I definitely needed more support than Carson did. It's funny how much you change after becoming a mom. I never understood the protectiveness of my parents until now. He did great during the procedure, only cried with the shot and as he was being strapped down. I practically fell apart. I sat in the hall with my heart aching, doing everything in my power to not cry. I felt awful. We got home and he fussed a bit, even though he should have been numb still, and I still just ached while I cuddled him. I never thought I'd worry so easily.

Carson has been grumpy all week, maybe because he's growing so much! He has grown 2 inches and put himself in the 98 percentile for height, and gained almost a whole pound in his first 2 weeks putting him in the 55th percentile. It feels good as a mom to be praised so much for having such a healthy baby. Not that it all has to do with what I'm doing, some babies struggle eating, and I can only imagine how hard it is for moms that have that, but I'll take the praise any way I can get it! I have a baby who loves food way too much!

Thank you to everyone who has helped us so far! We've had dinners from people in our singles ward that Reed still serves in, and from my family members. I'm grateful for all of it! I'm also glad I'm the last girl in the family to have a baby. One sister checked out some things I was concerned about (she's a pediatric nurse at the hospital), and another sister came and clipped his fingernails without me having to ask. I was afraid to do it. My other sister's family brought us celebration sparkling cider because the first week is the hardest, and others I can just pass off to and not worry about how he's being fed, or if he'll be burped, or how they're holding him. It's fabulous. They've literally all given me a break! Except Annalee... she has failed. But she's hundreds of miles away, so I'll let it slide. Just this time. haha!
I promised a friend I'd post lots of pictures of Carson in this blog, so friend- there you go! and the rest of you- deal with it. ;)

One last word- grumpy baby= bouncer shopping. 50$ bouncer that stops crying= priceless.

Successfully camping at 6 months... BOO YA!!!

It all started at 5 something in the morning when the wind started blowing super hard... 

wait... wait... wait...

A few days ago I got a call. Went something like "I know you didn't want Reed to go camping with the guys last time, but Karianne and I are going camping, and if you're not busy, you should come." Okay, so it was a lot longer conversation, and the whole time I mumbled things like "oh, okay..." "well I'll talk to Reed"... never anywhere in that conversation did I sound like I was going to go at all. After thinking for the next hour about it I figured being outdoors would be good for me, and I could brag about successfully camping while 6 months pregnant! I also figured Reed would love it, and so I gave my brother our confirmation. 

Friends at work warned about some storm coming in, but then looking at the weather figured we were safe since it wasn't supposed to rain until the middle of the afternoon.

We were having a jolly time, bunch of the family came up to eat and hang out. 

Look- this is the gang having a jolly time! Reed is clearly having the jolliest of times.

 Reed, Tanner, and I stayed up until 12:30 chatting after everyone left. Tanner then started throwing everything in the truck. It's like he knew the doom we were about to face 5 hours later. I sat staring at him as he put chairs in the car, wondering why. Whatever, I followed suit and threw mine in too.

Being pregnant I've had a lot of charley horses lately. So 1:30 in the morning I woke up spazzing. Trying to wake up Reed, but not being able to make a peep because we were sharing a large tent with Tanner, Karianne, and their well-versed in camping 2 year old. That was adventurous. I was whispering "I wanna die, I wanna die!" Looking back, it was quite humorous. But I didn't wake them! Maybe it was that super sound proof divider between us.

The bathroom could have been a major struggle, squatting with very little balance. The boys got me a mini porta potty. nice. Even nice at 4:45 in the morning when I had to crawl out of my tent and use it. Weather was perfect. It was nice and pretty warm.

Unfortunately I couldn't fall asleep afterwards. I was tempted to get up and make a fire just to chill at, but figured I should wait until at least 6 for that. Wait for the sunlight, I guess.

Around 5:30 out of NO WHERE the wind started blowing horribly. All of us laid there waiting for it to pass, but it wasn't... Soon the wind was pulling up the top cover far enough that dirt was falling through the top of the mesh part of the tent. At that point we heard Tanner up and Reed got up to help him with whatever he was going to do. The wind got so bad that Tanner told us to get in the car. Mind you, the whole time I sat waiting for this 2 year old to cry, as I was curling in a ball, scared out of my mind that we were all going to fly away. She doesn't even make a peep! We grab our belongings, for me it was the phone and a blanket, and of course Karianne grabbed the toddler. makes sense.

We watched as Reed and Tanner frantically deflated the air mattresses so they wouldn't blow away, and meanwhile, little Norah is still chipper as can be. HOOOWWW?! Soon the tent looked like this:

This poor brand new tent! Do you see this madness?! I will admit, as the tent was caving in on us on that side, I started holding the side... As if it was going to help? I don't even know where my thought process was. Good thing I gave up, because it would have been worthless. Yeah, that's a rip from the bottom to the top. Not a door. Poor little thing :(

Tanner and Reed were troopers! They packed up the whole camp and we were on the road within 30 minutes. Which is a good thing, because by this time it had started raining too.

We gathered back at their house where we sorted, cleaned, and packed everything correctly, and Karianne cooked us breakfast. While Norah so cutely kept asking "What happened?" ha!

The day just got better. We got home and showered and I was so tired that I slept from 9-noon. Reed slept till 11, got out of bed, played video games, and went back to bed. I got out of bed for about an hour and then joined him again. We laid there groggy and trying to figure out how to start the day...

By 2 we started brainstorming places that might deliver caffeine to us. How could we possibly start the day without it? I don't quite remember how I forced myself out, threw my hair up and put eyeliner on, but I managed. We got a lot done by the end of the day.

One more brag thing besides the fact that I survived a baller night of camping... I found a chair for the nursery! We had been saving up to buy a glider. They're the cheapest little rocking chairs you can get. We planned on 140-200 dollars on this wooden thing that I was excited about, but probably wouldn't be comfortable to sleep in during the middle of the night. The only thing I couldn't decide on was color. So... Knight's Furniture is conveniently going out of business... bad for them, but fabulous for us! We were reminded of it as we were driving. So we decided to check it out. Then... fate... This chair! Originally close to 600 dollars, was marked for 150! And it rocks and reclines, and it's so soft, and it's perfect! We didn't bat an eye, we bought it. I'm not the least bit sorry. God loves us. :)

We are going to try that camping thing again, and then maybe next month I'll get to brag about successfully camping at 7 months pregnant, Guess we will see! 

What is this thing people call pregnancy?

I have contemplated long and hard about if, what, and when I should write my next blog...
I first wanted to post the picture we took the day we found out we were having a baby. I love this picture because Reed is just squeezing me, so excited, and we couldn't stop smiling all day long!

Second... we're having a boy! Holy cow! I have always wanted a boy first! I always loved having a big brother, and thought every girl should have one. Therefore, always wanted a boy first. I'll admit, I totally thought it was a girl. My family was split about half and half on what he was. I have debated long and hard whether or not to tell my story of finding out, because it's a legit reason to judge me forever and ever, but hey, what the heck?

We expected to find out at 21 weeks what we were having. We didn't want to pay more to find out early. At our 16 week appointment the doctor asked if we wanted to know what it was going to be. We told him we didn't want to pay extra, so we'd wait. Well he's super cool and said "well I'm already doing the ultrasound, so I won't charge you to tell you... if you want." So we agreed. I was so excited! (NOTE: About a week prior to that appointment I had a dream we were having a boy. Then in my dream when I found out, I cried and was so upset.) Yeah... so he tells us we're having a boy in real life and I freeze. I just laid there not saying anything. Reed was so excited, saying "are you sure?!" yes, he was sure. All I could respond was a very mellow voice, trying to sound happy "oh, it's a boy." As I sat there trying not to cry, wishing the appointment would finally end, I couldn't believe I was so sure he was a girl. The only time I ever wanted a girl first was after I got pregnant. Why did I care so much now?

Well we finally leave, and Reed wanted to do the chromosome test, or whatever it was, so we headed to the lab for blood work. Reed kept asking me what was wrong, begging me to talk, and I kept silent. Finally after the blood work was all done, as we walked back to the car, I burst. I bawled the whole 20 minutes home from the doctor. Not just a small whimper, a big ugly cry. I told Reed we couldn't tell anyone he was a boy, until I calmed down and got excited about it. I had Reed give me a blessing that night, and the next day all that was coming to my mind was all the amazing things about having a boy first. All the things Reed can teach him, the sports he can go to with dad, and his cousin will be 2 months older than him, so they can be best friends. How fun will that be?! It's hard to think how sad I was when I found out, because I don't want him any other way now. I just want my baby boy. We just can't agree on a name, like we could for a girl. Minor details.

Our 21 week appointment was awesome! Everything with our baby is perfect. The doctor doing the sonogram kept telling us that. Along with "he's tall right now" and "wow, he's a chunk". hahaha! My regular doctor told me I am "the postcard for perfect pregnancies". If this is a perfect pregnancy, and it's still hard... wow... my poor sisters who dealt and are dealing with rough ones... and all you other mommies who had it hard... I'm sorry. I can't imagine.

Pregnancy isn't what I ever expected. I feel swarmed with thoughts, constantly...
-This is hard
-How in the world can I be this tired?
-Why am I never full?
-How do people do this multiple times?
-Sometimes when this kid kicks, it startles me.
-I think he's turning inside me in ways he shouldn't... he feels horizontal, not vertical. ouch.
-Oh dear... so many unwanted bodily functions...
-I'm sick of going to the bathroom

And I'll admit, some of the sentimental ones...
-If I rub my belly can he feel it and know I'm saying hello?
-He's got so much energy now, I can't wait to meet him and his fun personality
-I hope he likes me

We may only be 23 weeks along right now, but Reed is so excited that we have getting lots of stuff done already! Also I'm a freak, so I like the idea of being as prepared as I can, since as soon as he comes, I won't be prepared for what's happening at all. So material items I can prepare.

Reed braced this thing all nice and sturdy, and I spent 4.5 hours sanding and painting this old ugly changing table we bought off KSL...

I also decided I wanted to be ambitious and make a blanket! I picked out fabric... that's as far as I got...

 We bought a cute little crib that Reed put together a few weeks ago...

And Reed's parents spoiled us with a stroller and car seat combo! We're pretty stoked to try it out!

Last but not least, we found it only fitting to get baby Allred an Easter basket and surprise. His is on the left.

So, turns out I thought I wanted a girl when I got pregnant... but I can't imagine having anything other than my little boy :)